egoist

Hello

2005-07-13T09:03:00.000+08:00

Ok peeps. After 2 months of absence, i have created a new blog. its below.. lol

http://www.livejournal.com/users/rustykarma

k k? dats all. sorie 4 d delay. heh

Tired of Everyting

2005-05-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

Well, peeps. Dis gona be my last entry dat i will post here. Im going 2 create

another blog, which will b done all by myself. But i cant promise when la. haha. i

wil take my time. But 1 ting 4 sure, d word karma will still be retained as my blog

name. haha. hmm, dis blog was designed by sum1 hu was once so special in my life,

i guess im gona leave it alone cos there's so much memories intact. *sobs.* sigh.

='( yea. yea. so dramatic sia. haha. watever. ok. Im gona keep u guys updated

a.s.a.p. N happy advanced 18th b'day 2 sumone out there hu's celebratin it dis

coming monday. haf fun dat day wif ur special ones. I guess dats all ler. Im lazy 2

blog anymore. juz tired of life n d shit dat happens. haha. well, d tagboard is

still open though. lolx. adios. dun miss me. =P

**gone with the wind**

**will sumone come and take me away?**

**i want 2 be far from all my misery**

Feeling Sick

2005-05-11T09:54:00.000+08:00

It's close to 10am now. Im feeling very very sick at the moment. So din go 2 work as

well 2day. In d morning around 6am, I suddenly juz fainted halfway thru my prayer

session. Luckily I dropped on my knees 1st den i cudnt remember wad happened.

Dis is like d 2nd time in my life, i tink, dat i haf fainted. D 1st time

happened 2 yrs ago? i cant recall though. well, lucky dad stopped d prayer and when

i woke up, i was on my bed. My mum said dat dad sprinkle water all over my face 2

wake me up. Phew! Luckily it wasnt aniting serious. N it cudnt be I was sleepy or

wad. I woke up so energetic n feeling so refreshed n i cant figure out y i collapsed.

Hmmmm. I just need sum rest at d moment, cos work is so freaking stressful n i cant

wait 2 quit it next week. Lolx. I dunoe wad else 2 say la. I juz cant tink of

aniting. Adios. N how i wish dat "sumone" was here 2 b by my side. Oh well. ;)

Belaian Jiwa

2005-05-10T02:50:00.000+08:00

Innuendo - Belaian Jiwa

Seindah tiada lagi kau kuingatkan
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayatku di dunia ini

Kau tahu betapa kusayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

Oh angin sampaikan laguku padanya
Yang sedih pilu
Terimalah laguku jadi teman hidupmu
Untuk selamanya

Kau tahu betapa kusayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

Some Things...

2005-05-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

Some tings r meant 2 b cherished.

Some tings u wished it didnt happen.

Some tings r meant 2 b forgotten.

Some tings just happens 4 a reason.

Some tings r not meant 2 b given up easily.

And that some tings, i know i wont.

Just Let It Be...

2005-05-07T18:49:00.000+08:00

Hmm, dis week has been a rollercoaster ride 4 me. Started d week terribly but glad it all ended in bliss. Settled sum issues wif my colleagues at my workplace n i feel reali bad after wad i have done. N to one of my colleagues, if ur reading this, im totally sorie from d bottom of my heart 4 my part n d troubles dat i have caused. It's really a misunderstanding n i din realised dat sum stuffs i wrote wud be misintepreted. N thanx alot 2 'kakak' who has been giving me alot of advices on life. Sigh. I must reali say dat eversince i started work at IRAS, life took a tragic turn 4 me n everting went from good 2 bad, n bad to worst. But everyting happens 4 a reason n i shudnt be dwelling bout d past. Life is short. Live life 2 d max. =))

On a brighter note, my younger sister was discharged from hospital 2day after nearly 2 weeks being hospitalised. Im just so relieved n glad dat everyting good has 2 happen within d same week. N all d tension within my family has been resolved n im just so happy 2 c every1 smiling n laughing like d gd old days. N 2mr is mother's day. hehe. cant wait 2 meet up wif my relatives n cousins at my place 2mr. 4 once in dis past weeks, i feel very very contented in life. lol. N i reali intend 2 stop smoking 4 good cos i made 'sumone' reali disappointed when i started 2 get back 2 my bad habit lately. Im reali sorie 4 my actions n 4 hurtin ur feelings. Hmm, smokin is never a cure 2 treat ur worries n problems. It kills u. hehe. I guess dats all 4 now. I haf 2 do my prayers now. Take care.

N 2 dat 'sumone', im reali reali missing u to bits. N i din mean 2 lie 2 u all dis while. I hope u wud start trusting me again just like last time.

Cinta

2005-05-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

Cinta (Flop Poppy)

Dan kunyayikan kau lagu cinta
Seindahnya sinar mentari
Seanggunnya sinar rembulan

Dan kunyayikan kau lagu rindu
Kerna sesungguhnya hati ini masih lagi
Lemas dalam kerinduan

Cintaku
Hampir setiap kalinya tak jemu-jemu
Cintaku
Nyanyikan lagu ini

Cintaku
Hampir setiap kalinya tak jemu-jemu
Cintaku
Nyanyikan lagu ini penawar rindu

Dan kusebutkan namamu
Dalam doaku setiap kalinya
Agar kau kembali
Menenangkan hati dan perasaan

Dan kusebutkan namamu
Dalam doaku setiap kalinya
Agar kau kembali
Menenangkan hati dan perasaan

Ini bukan yang pertama kalinya
Cinta kupergi (jauh)

Jika Kau Bercinta Lagi

2005-04-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

Well, below is d lyrics of a song that I've been listening to 4 d past week. Its a malay song ler. Those hu dun understand, sorie yah. Lolz. Feeling abit emo lately. haha.

Jika Kau Bercinta Lagi (Flop Poppy)

Jika Kau bercinta lagi
Cintalah sepenuhnya
Jika kau bercinta lagi
Jagalah kau hatinya

Engkau yang memilihnya
Tanpa memikirkan tentang diriku
Kini ku hanya dapat berdoa
Agar berbahagia kau disampingnya

Jika Kau bercinta lagi
Cintalah sepenuhnya
Jika kau bercinta lagi
Jagalah kau hatinya

Aku tak dapat menghalang
Engkau punya kemahuan sendiri
Biarku hidup hanya mengenang
Peristiwa yang tak dapat ku lupa

Kini aku hanya dapat berdoa
Agar berbahagia kau disampingnya
Selamat tinggal
Aku mengundurkan diri

Happiness is all I need

2005-04-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

Life became more meaningful when u stepped into my life.

U lifted me up n took my breath away,

Helped 2 get rid of all my worries,

N made my tears dry again.

I'm thankful for that.

If I ever haf 2 let u go,

I wud find a million reasons 2 make u stay. =)

Tiring Week

2005-04-26T19:57:00.000+08:00

Its already Tuesday. 2mr is wednesday. haha. so fast. actuali, im feelin very down at d moment. My 5 yr-old sister was hospitalised 2 days ago bcos of pneumonia, or shud i say a lung infection. Im so worried bout her sia. The sight of her in drips reali scares me. she's so young n i dowan her 2 suffer. well, obviously i went 2 work yesterday wif a heavy heart. reali din felt like working. my mind was sumwhere else. luckily my frenz were there 4 me. or else i'll probably din noe wad 2 do. over lunch, eating LJS, sarena was giving me all sort of advices, n telling me 2 b strong n stuffs. i feel she's like an elder sister 2 me sia. wish i had a sister like her. but too bad, im already d eldest in d family. =( but ok la. at least i can "bully" my siblings. wahaha. den after work, as usual, went 2 d normal place behind BK n talk stuffs. Got lectured by Sarena over d topic of my recent ex. like wad sia. i din do aniting wrong beh she scolded me 4 no reason. but then, i knew she was sumhow advicing me.

so eventhough i felt hurt, i knew she was just concerned 4 me. n yup2. wad she said was true la. she gave me alot n alot of advices like there's no point hanging 2 d past. n no point going after a gurl who's not worth my love. haha. yea. yea. ppl like her maner2 leh cari babe. very true. n try 2 imagine she's invisible at work? haha. well, yea. i did my best not 2 even look at her direction 2day ok? wahahaha. alot of ppl told me she looks arrogant. hmm, i duno la. ppl change u know. so i cant comment on dis. i hope she's not. its her life. i already said i wun bother her. work n more work 2 come later on dis week. its so freaking stressful. haiz. i duno wad else 2 say. n i hope my sister recover soon.

23rd of April

2005-04-23T15:36:00.000+08:00

Wow. How time flies. Its like nearing the 5th month of 2005. Lolx. 2day is such a boring day. Im gona slack at home d whole day n keep 2 myself alone or probably play comp. games wif my bro. No mood 2 go out. 2day is d 23rd. n erm yah. its d 23rd. haiz. if only i cud turn back time a month earlier, when tings were better in life. but i guess its too late now. It shud haf been our 9 months 2gether 2day. but then, it didnt happen. No matter how much I tried 2 hate u, I reali cant. I dunoe y. Im so confused. The memories juz keep rushing back into my head. Well, i suppose God is just testing me. Yup. Get this into ur head Farhan. All this is just a test from God. N its d path dat u choose dat determines what d future holds. well, i guess I shud know dis. So yea. N fiqah, like u said, everyting happens 4 a reason. hope u will settle ur probs wif ur guy a.s.a.p. yah. u hafta b strong in wadever u do k. I'll b there 4 u if u need me. =) N 2day's ur 5th month wif him. Hope u'll haf a great time. At least u can b happy on dis day. unlike me. =(

Well, yesterday was a long day at work. my eyesight is getting worse n worse each day, lookin at those papers after papers. lolx. n come monday, work will b lonely cos Cik Anita wun b there anymore. sobz. yesterday was her laz day at work. bought her ferrero rocher as a small token. so sad 2 c her leave sia. N now, there's no one 2 give me advices anymore at work. Advices on my personal life la. not about work. hahaha. n she left me wif sum words. erm, she said sumting like if two hearts were meant 2 b as one, it will eventually become one no matter what kind of obstacles there r in their way. well, i juz hope wad she said is true. cos it feels different being single at d moment. haha. but like wad sum1 told me, "just go with d flow". hmm, i am.

And..........

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. Boo. Sux big time.

Tired but Overjoyed.

2005-04-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

Woohoo. Started the day poorly. I rushed like hell 2 get ready 4 work n also 2 meet sum1 at d void deck. So like yea. I've deleted my last entry. 4 mal's sake n nobody else. if any of u read it, juz keep it 2 urself. ok? so yea. actuali, i din mean most of the stuffs i said in d last entry. jus was freaking pissed wif sum other stuffs dat took place yesterday. so everyting bottled up in me n i blew up. haha. so yea. now im fine. hmm, met up wif fiqah, syahira n sarena in morning b4 goin 2 work just now. I was early 4 d 1st time. haha. n sarena suprisingly was SUPER early 4 work too. haha. so 2day, d 4 of us all wore white. yea. signifies purity. ok. im crapping. haha. hmm, 2day's work sux. I dunoe how 2 describe it la. But it hurts my eye so much straining at the numbers on dis few pieces of papers. so, erm, i guess u dun get wad i meant. haha. nvm. n I kept falling asleep in btween work. so had 2 rely on fiqah 2 give me sweets. heh. den after work, d 4 of us plus fadhil went 2 town 2 chill like until 9pm liddat.

I just got home actuali. haha. very tired. we wanted 2 get sum stuffs 4 our supervisors hu r leaving dis friday, which is 2mr la. haha. Im gona miss Cik Anita( Mrs Anita in English). lol. she's so cool la. she's 40 but looks 10-15 yrs younger her age. wahaha. n she's been tellin me stuffs bout *sumting*. n i feel kinda guilty about wad ive done. so like yea. n back 2 where i was, we hanged out at Coffee Bean n talked about work. blabla. n me n fiqah were like small kids throwing paper balls at each other while fadhil n syahira kept lookin at us. haha. funny sia. n i duno y i accidentally stepped on fiqah's slippers 7 times while in town. haha. izit 7? dunoe la. cant remember. huahaha. hmm, den walked to ngee ann city, chilled n sat there while talkin rubbish. but then, it din seem every1 was havin fun. Syahira was feelin down cos of her personal life which i shudnt mention here. Hey gurl, aniting can confide in me tau. we'll b there 4 u. =) actuali, i duno wad else 2 talk la. im just so tired after such a long n tiring day at work but overall, its so much fun hanging out wif d peeps. guess dats all la. like i promised, as of 2day, my entries r gona b of positive ones. haha. no point talkin bout d past rite? haha. lol. gd nite every1. heh. =)

Brand New Week....

2005-04-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

Its close 2 midnite now. I just woke up after 2 hours of nap. Woohoo. What a monday. In d morning, woke up wif a heavy head. Was sick sia. But stil hafta go 2 skool. 2 take my supp. paper dat is. hopefully can pass la. haha. well, i wasn't feeling after d paper. but still went 2 work after dat. had lunch wif d gurls at BK, Novena Square, den went back 2 work. n 2 dat *sumone*, i duno wads d fuss of reminding me not 2 msg u when ur outside later. u cud haf juz said ur meetin dat guy rite? n i'll noe wad 2 do cos i already knew u were gona meet him after his school. Lolx. so im kinda disappointed wif dat *sumone*. but wait, y shud I? haha. wadever it is la. K. im losing my memory as day passes by. yes fiqah, u've been tellin me thousand over times dat i've got short-term memory. hahah. =P i cant help it. life is stressful. n facing d computer screen at work d whole day can make my head spin n my eyes hurt. haha.

Blablabla, b4 i knew it, work had ended. N as usual, we'll hang out at d back alley of Novena Square. haha. actuali its sumwhere behind KFC there. so me, fiqah, syahira n sarena were talkin nonsense 4 about an hour. well, actuali sarena was doin all d talkin n d 3 of us listening. she's 22 yrs old. looks chinese 2 d max. but turned out 2 b pure malay. haha. like wad the hell. she's damn funny sak. can talk n talk all d funny stuffs n d 3 of us were laughing like mad. Makcik pun kalah. wahaha. The way she spoke in a tamil accent, to an indonesian accent, to a japanese accent reali funny 2 d max. Its reali fun hanging out wif juz gurls sey. haven been doin dis since awhile. n yea. d 3 gurls reali made my day 2day. woohoo. thank u. thank u. =D i tink i laughed till my eyes nearly became teary. haha. well, laughing is d remedy 2 help me 4get d past. lol. d bad memories la. gd ones i keep. i treasure. haha.

n we're planning 2 wear pink 2mr! haha. i got no problem wif dat la. cos i haf a few pink shirts at home too. haha. so went home ard 7pm. had my dinner, bathed n did my prayers. and msg-ed fiqah til about 9pm b4 i dozed off juz like dat. lolx. cant wait for 2mr. dis week I promised 2 start a new life. n yea. being single is cool. totally super cool. I jus wana b in d company of frens at d moment. n d peeps at my workplace r reali helpin me 2 cope well wif my personal life. lolz. im feelin better each day. hoho. I've regained my self esteem n im about 2 b back in d correct path in life. Thank u God! =) n yup. I can't b bothered wif ppl's life when they can't b bothered wif mine. hahak. evil me. guess dats all. can't wait 2 go back 2 work. ahem ahem. haha.

Morning

2005-04-18T08:06:00.000+08:00

Well, it's morning.

Having a minor headache due to lack of sleep.

Gona sit 4 my supp. paper later.

Damn. Hopefully can pass la.

Last nite, was waiting n waiting 4 a call from her.

Or shud I say, a msg frm her 2 tel me 2 kol her.

But it didnt happen.

So its ok la.

I know I'm not dat important to her anyway.

So, I studied til ard 3am.

But my heart was worried about sumtin else.

N u know wad. I vomitted twice like btween 1-2am.

Like wad the hell.

I feel sick physically n mentally now. haha.

Guess datz all.

Hoping 4 d best...

2005-04-16T13:59:00.000+08:00

I just hope one day,

your heart would be soften.

Everyting has crumbled.

And I'll pick up d pieces of my heart alone.

So dun u worry bout me.

The only ting I want,

is for you 2 listen 2 ur parents.

Cos it's a sin 2 go against them.

N when u rather give him another chance instead of me,

it speaks alot 2 what ur heart is feeling.

I realise who I am now.

Nobody deserves a guy like me.

Relaku Pujuk

2005-04-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

Relaku Pujuk (Spider)

Ku dikejar bayang bayang resah,
Bila hatimu masih tak berubah,
Enggan dipunya,
Dan dipenjara,
Belaian cintaku ini,

Aku bukan lelaki yang tewas,
Bisa menyambar walau ku di tolak,
Biar diuji Kanan dan Kiri,
Kaukan tetap ku miliki,

Tiada lafaz yang lebih agung,
Kalimah Cintamu,
Yang ku tunggu tunggu,
Biar jasadku yang menanggung,
Permainan Cintamu,
Relaku pujuk,

Janganlah kau salahkan aku,
Terus memburu,
Menawan Cintamu,
Aku Percaya, Sedikit Masa,
Kau kecundang akhirnya,

Usahlah kau bersedih,
Dihadapanmu aku hadir,
Memendam resah dan curiga,
Dari hatimu...Ohh..Ohh....
Apakah kali ini,
Bisa kau tolak dan berlari,
Setelah aku menanamkan Azimatku

Mixed-up Day

2005-04-15T19:13:00.000+08:00

Morning was pure bliss with Mal.
I promised her 2 b sum1 better.
Then sumhow in my mind, I wanted 2 make her jealous.
Afternoon, me n Syafiqah were "flirting" in the office 2 get her attention.
I hope she doesn't notice it.
On the way home, I thought 2 myself dat wad I did 2day was utterly stupid.
It could have made her jealous.
N it could have made her pissed off.
If both happened, I just blew my chance I guess.
Damn, how stupid I was!
There were other ways 2 make her want me back.
But I just did sumting dat was unacceptable.
I knew she's disappointed with the way i am.
I knew I'm d one 2 b blamed.
Why am i behaving strangely lately?
It's just not the real Farhan dat i know of.
I started 2 resort 2 my bad habits.
I know she hates it.
I just dunno wad 2 do.
Wadever she told me dis morning kinda hurts me.
Yesterday, 2day or tomorrow,
when i'm smiling or laughing with frenz,
it doesnt mean Im happy.
Im just trying 2 hide d fact that Im sad.
Cos Ive always been one.
A pessimist in life.
Tonight is just like every other nights.
Dark n lifeless.
That's just d way I am.

Everyting's wrong...

2005-04-14T10:35:00.000+08:00

Well, woke up in d morning 2 a phone call from malihha. Was quite suprised actually. Cos i tot she din wan 2 haf aniting wif me anymore. So she said if I wanted 2 meet up wif her around 2pm. So I said, yea. sure. aniting. U dunno how happy i am dis morning. Went 2 bathe n got ready 2 go 2 skool. Then, suddenly she msg-ed me n said sumtin which I totally dun get it. Swear sia. My mind was feeling was so at ease n she has 2 say sumtin which caught me off-guard. Of course I wun understand wad she meant. Yet she doesnt believe me. She tot I was acting n trying 2 play blur. Haiz. Den when my fren, Nas, told me dat she told malihha ive been gettin close 2 dis gurl, Syafiqah, in d workplace, sumtin struck me.

Shit man. I've been planning 2 tel mal bout wad me n Syafiqah had thought of 2 make her jealous later when im meeting her 2day. Yet, Nas had 2 break d news 1st 2 her. Argh! I dun blame u or aniting Nas. I know ur just concerned bout d tings dats goin on btween me mal. So yea. Now i feel damn bad. Skipped skool actually cos my mood was totally gone. Mal is like pissed off wif me at d moment cos i've been "gettin close" 2 sum other gal behind her back. Well, syafiqah is attached n hell no wud i ever go 4 sum1 hu is attached. I wudnt want 2 destroy their relationship sey, cos I had a taste of dis bad feeling recently. Hopefully I can convince her dat ive done nuttin wrong actualli. Me n syafiqah r just frenz. Dats all. N mal tinks im a liar. Well, i guess i am. Ive kept my dark past history 2 myself without sharing it wif her. But i reli cudnt make myself do it. Hope everyting goes well later. I just wan malihha back. cos she's d only gurl i haf feelings for at d moment. N no one else. Not even syafiqah. She lives in Woodlands 4 god's sake. I wudnt want 2 haf a gf hu lives at d opposite end of s'pore man. dats unfair 2 d guy n gurl. Wadever it is. I wana haf my breakfast. Thanx 2 all my frenz who's been there 2 give me support. Reali appreciate it.

Emotionally Disturbed.

2005-04-12T18:25:00.000+08:00

Sumtimes I wonder in my bed each nite tinkin whether wad Malihha said 2 me when we were 2gether were just words of truth or simply said just 2 please me. She wun break up wif me 2 go wif dat jerk. Yet she did. Wad haf I done 2 deserve all dis? I haf sumtimes make her feel insecured. i admit dat. but not to d extent of gettin close 2 a person of d opposite sex. It hurts so much when I c dat jerk n her 2gether at d office and the fact I cant do aniting at all. Sumtimes I wish like vanishing away from her life 4ever. But then, sumwhere in my hearts tells me she is stil d 1 4 me. Im very confused. I reali duno how 2 win her back. My mind is too messed up dat I cant tink straight. Everyting is simply against me. Sum1 told me dat I shud get close 2 a gurl in d workplace 2 get malihha jealous. Should I? But i duno la. Im scared she'll c it as me moving on wif life so fast. N yea. 2 my frenz hu suggest i put a password on dis blog, dun worry ar. i can bet 100% dat malihha doesn't even go 2 my blog. so i will write wadever I wan n 4 every1 2 c.

N yes. Dat jerk is reali an asshole. He HAS to rub in d fact dat the better man won cos yah, he got malihha. Just shut up man. I know i am this loser kid hu cant even keep his girlfriend's heart intact. Well, at least im a person with alot of integrity. I dun go after gurls hu r attached. Dats a strict no-no. I pity d bf hu has put in so much effort into d relationship n only 2 c his gf "snatched" by sum stranger. N when ppl keep tellin me bout wad they saw about mal n dat jerk, i feel super helpless. Pls dun tell me anymore. I reali cannot take it anymore. Leave me alone. If malihha wants me back, God will show me a sign. But if she dun wan me back, i'll move on wif life k. Dun worry. Anyway, all my tears have nearly dried. I cry so much dat my eyes hurt. Y huh? sucks man d feeling. like d veins wanna burst like dat. haiz. 2mr got work again. so tired. gona c dat jerk's n mal's faces again. hopefully i'll be very very busy wif work dat i wun even care bout their presence. Seriously, i rather haf alot of work 2 do. It feels less stressful then tinkin bout d problems i haf.

How long more should I wait? Should I let go of everything n close d chapter of my life wif malihha? Should I move on n get rid of all my agony? I juz wana die in peace. Hurts my head so much tinkin bout all dis. Luckily im not skooling. Or else i would definitely go insane. Dats all la. Adios!

Depressed & Betrayed

2005-04-09T15:10:00.000+08:00

My 8 months with Malihha were simply memorable. Honestly speaking, she's d 1 hu lifted me up, made me see d light at the end of the tunnel. N most importantly, she gave me d strength 2 carry on in life. B4 I met her, my recent past relationship was a total mess. I just couldn't accept the fact dat my ex was two-timing me. I gave her a few chances n she blew it. But B4 i cud proceed any further, she dumped me. Like wad the hell. YOU make me get sick and tired of girls. Most importantly, I started 2 hate girls because of YOU. Yes YOU! You thought I was goin 2 cry n get upset bcos of u. But I didnt. I have never cried 4 any gurl b4 I met Malihha. Cos I dun c any point crying over spilled milk.

I gave u my fullest trust. I never complained when u went out wif other guys. I wanted 2 gif u freedom like u asked me to. I gave in. I wanted 2 feel paranoid when ur out wif other guys. But I didnt. Cos I didnt want 2 upset u. I just tried 2 b sum1 optimistic. But it all back-fired. Ppl like YOU r d reason y im struggling in my love life. N do u remember Syah? Yes. Dat bloody guy kept bugging u wif all those "i love you". At 1st, I was angry. I told u 2 ignore him. But u didnt. U said dun worry too much. Cos u two were just friends. I fell 4 ur word. So i gave in. I didnt complain or got angry when he smsed u, called u or sumtimes went out wif u. I gave u TOTAL freedom. I tot everyting was smooth sailing 4 us. I obliged 2 ur every need. 90% of d time, I was there 4 u. But sumtimes I cudnt b wif u cos I had classes or sumting else 2 attend to. Yet, behind my back u were having a relationship with Syah.

Because of YOU, i didnt trust gurls too much. Ur a damn bitch you know. I'll hate you 4 life. So 2 weeks after we separated, i moved on. I didnt look back 2 d past. I hate d past. Thanx 2 YOU! Den I met Malihha. I didnt want 2 fall her. Cos I juz needed companionship 2 help me thru my depression. But a few days after gettin 2 know her, I fell 4 her. She's just so sweet. But I kept tellin myself dun ever get into a relationship again. I was just so upset wif gurls. But Malihha proved me wrong. So we became steads eventually. After 5 months 2gether wif her, I knew she was d right one 4 me. She's so understanding. Caring. Loving. So sweet & stuffs. I dun want 2 go into details anymore. Cos dat wil only make me cry. Guys do cry ok? Its not sissy. cos guys who dun cry haf a heart made of rock. I was kinda shocked dat I actualli cried when tings went wrong wif Malihha. But she din knew this.

The more days Im wif her, d more I was convinced she was d rite partner 4 me. I was so emotionally attached 2 her. But I didnt tell her cos I was being too over-secretive. Thats where d problems all started. And now, after 8 months ++, its all over between me n her. I didnt trust dat fully because of YOU. N YOU can feel happy dat we broke up. Fuck off la. Its because of YOU dat I didnt want 2 give my fullest trust 2 Malihha. Because Im scared the same ting wud happen. N yet Malihha, u complained I was too paranoid. I was juz being so cos I loved u so much & i cant bear 2 lose u. Im already so depressed by my past relationship. I was just doin 4 d gd of us. But u dun seem 2 get d picture. U said u'll never leave me no matter wad happens. I fell 4 ur word. Cos i knew u were so damn perfect in my eyes. But now all my hopes n dreams r gone just like dat. But Im still waiting 2 b wif u again one day. Cos d wound in my heart is so deep dat its beyond description.

I hope u'll give me 1 more chance 2 prove myself. Just 1 more chance. Now I know ur not like my ex. Im sorry if I annoyed u n scolded u day in day out cos of dat guy. I got all my instincts wrong. N I'll pray each day dat u'll cum back 2 me soon. Cos ur d 1 hu helped me 2 pick up d pieces of my life. Im still deeply in love wif u now. Dun leave me in dis kind of state. I beg u. Accept me back pls. I'll plead on my knees. Or watever it takes 2 help u c dat i stil yearn 4 ur love. I feel so depressed & betrayed by u Malihha. But i haf 2 take sum of d blame. I admit I screwed up everyting. Im reali sorry.

And to my late grandmother who passed away on 3rd April 2005, which is laz week, may u rest in peace. I will always love u. I will do my best 2 fulfill d wishes dat u said b4 ur death. Now each nite, when Im feeling very depressed, especially since 2 days ago, I will always tink of u 2 give me d strength in life. Cos u r sum1 hu ive been so close to since I was a baby. And dear God, show me d way 4 me 2 pick up d pieces. Cos im feeling lost at d moment. I haf no directions in life now. N pls soften Malihha's heart. Cos I miss her so badly.

yikes

2005-01-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

Its been nearly 20 days since d start of the new year. N i realised i haven really post aniting new. haha. cos im just plain lazy 2 use d computer n i cant even b bothered 2 use it in d 1st place. wads so interesting using d computer sia. Surf porn? haha. plsss. dats so sian. hahaha. but dun tink im gay la. well, well, ive been busy studying 4 term test lately. n i stil haf another 2 test papers 2 sit for. N it happens during the term break lor. wads d point of havin a term break when we haf 2 study? wah liao. sad man. anyway, im feeling abit sick now. feeling 'high' at d moment. but not d high dat drug users experience la. haha. just dat im so dead tired. i guess dats all. bye.

I am...

2004-12-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

I'm......

A saddist.

A pessimist.

An egoist.

An antagonist.

And I also like 2 eat twisties.

I know I'm lame.

Thank U! Goodbye! Have a nice day!

Monday Morning

2004-12-20T10:07:00.000+08:00

Wheeee. Its monday. N im in skool now. Reached around 9.40am cos i tot my class is at 10am! like wad the hell. it starts at 11 dammit. Lol. Im so blur man. yea. watever.

Hmm, weekend was a breeze. wish it cud b longer. spent my saturday wif dear. watched Ocean's 12 at PS. d 3pm show. N b4 dat, ate at pizza hut. n i dunno y d staffs there r so blur dat day. 1st, it was d manager. we ordered Chicken Supreme. but he sent us Veggie Lover. Lol. maybe i tot he got confused. k. dat was fine enuff. den when i asked 1 of d waiter 4 a chilli sauce bottle, he took 1 from d table 5 metres away & returned in our direction. But no! he didnt pass it 2 me. he gave it 2 d other table. I was like, "Excuse me sir, i asked 4 d chilli. R u sleepy?" haha. but of cos, i din say dat 2 him la. dots. i wanted 2 laugh when i saw his blur expression. but well, im not dat evil.

Lastly, it happened at d payment counter. Well, d bill was $33. so i gave her(the cashier) a $50 note ar. She hold it in 1 hand, did sumting on d comp, n told me, dat'll b $33.39 sir. So i replied, yea ok. Den there was a 5 second pause after dat. I looked at her. She looked at me back. I tink she was waitin 4 me 2 pay up. Den i said, "i already paid", n pointed at her hand. She looked at her left hand n had dis paisey look on her. haha. but she apologise la. Lol. So dat was it. After dat went 2 catch d movie. It was ok la. Though i felt Ocean 11 was way much better. So, bla bla bla. After dat went home lor. And we did sum stuffs also. oh, took pictures also. Haha. i tink i'll b back soon. i wana go class already. Laterz.

What you are to me

2004-12-11T10:32:00.000+08:00

I cast doubts away,
like darkness from the daylight,
The way I feel so confident when you are within my sight.
I'm living happily,
It's you that I will see,
I feel your presence deep inside the depths that's within me.
So many are true
So many like you,
In all I that I do,
I only see you.
So would you come to me,
Cause what you're bout to see,
Is what you are to me.
What you are to me.
So don't you disagree,
What matters currently
Is what you are to me.
What you are to me.
So many do shine,
So many so fine,
I treat like a shrine,
The one that is mine.
Cause what the world may be,
For all eternity,
Is what you are to me.
What you are to me.
There's nothing in the world,
That I'll trade for my girl,
Cause she is all to me.
That's what you are to me.

LAZY!

2004-11-03T21:01:00.000+08:00

Im just so L.A.Z.Y. to blog nowadays.

Just got no mood 2 switch on d comp. in d 1st place.

Anyway, im busy refurnishing the house 4 d upcoming Hari Raya, which falls next Sunday.

Well, i dun even look 4ward 2 celebrate it. Haiz.

I'll be back blogging when skool starts.

On the 6th of December.

Meanwhile, just tag me or msg me if u've got aniting say.

Tired

2004-10-16T16:25:00.000+08:00

Helo people. Sorry ive not been blogging lately. Kinda busy & lazy 2 go online la. Lol. I shall blog on wad happened dis week okay, if i can recall la. Hmmmm. Watched Wimbledon & White Chicks dis week wif my dear. Both damn nice show man. But White Chicks is soo funny. N ive been busy spring-cleaning d house cos my dad forced me to. Haiz. Actuali, nuttin happened dis week la. cos ive been spending most of my time at home. hoho.

Anyway, Ramadan is here. Woohoo. But sadly, ive been sick since 2 days ago. I had fever, sore throat, flu n god noes wad, u name it. I swear I felt like dying. Haha.I haven fall sick dis bad b4 since ages. N worst still, i insisted on fasting yesterday. So i slept d whole day til break fast cos i wanted to faint n i was literally weak. But i still woke up juz 2 go 4 my friday prayers. See! Wad a good boy i am. Hahaha. I felt better 2day. so i decided to do dis flag day 4 dis malay/muslim organisation, mendaki. went wif raniah, shikin n khadijah. wow! 3 gals, 1 guy. haha. k la. dat was bcos we cudnt find other guys ok. Well, we went to geylang serai to collect donations. Split up into 2 groups. n i was wif raniah. hmm, decided to do house-to-house collection since it was still quiet there. Dis raniah so funny sia. u know how she asked 4 donations? haha. sorry gal. no offence. it went like dis,

"excuse me, i am making a collection. would you like 2 donate?"

raniah, u dont make a donation, u collect a donation. wakakakaka. she said dat quite a few times sia. and you make my day la. especially dis morning at d interchange. i cant believe i mistook u 4 a makcik, or an auntie in english. I swear she was walking in front of me damn slow man. i was already late 2 go 2 tampines. n in my heart, i was cursing dis makcik 4 walkin so slow man. cant she walk faster? den 2 my horror after i walked past her, i realise it was raniah. Hohohoho. Makcik makcik. certifiednye makcik. hehe.

we finished at 12pm. so me, shikin n raniah went 2 walk at tm 1st. den went 2 ghufran 2 pray after dat. hmm, shikin went 2 work n i went home wif raniah cos she lives in pasir ris too. Guess dats all. i cant wait 2 eat. so hungry. y is d time moving so slow??? n i miss my dear malihha. sobs

Haizz

2004-10-06T15:30:00.000+08:00

Exams has started & im left with 2 more papers. PIPC & maths were ok. 2day had OC. I tink im gona fail. Supp. papers here i come. LOLx. My mind bcame blank during d paper. Haiz. 2mr is biochem & friday is HAP. Hell no! Im dead. Someone help me pls. Supposed 2 sent dear 2 skool 2day but juz when I wanted 2 step out of d house, Dad wanted me 2 go run an errand 4 him. So sorry dear. =( anyway, i reached skool around 7.25am. so early sia. considering gen & jay came after me. Lolx. hmm, i dun wana tok bout exams. it sux. dun u all agree? i cant wait 4 friday. gona catch a movie wif d guys n also wif gen & lisa. we planned to watch RE:2. but i had already watched it wif my dear. Sorie guys. i totally 4 got bout our plan. I dun mind watching again. haha. but gen la. she doesnt want 2 watch. dotz. dotz. come on gen. watch la. nuttin 2 b scared of rite. hahaha. we guys r juz gona scare d hell out of u. dats all. LOLZ. but then maybe we watching white chicks. i duno. oh, i got a music video clip on my blog. Cool. n d song doesnt mean aniting k? i stil luv my dear loads n loads. juz dat d song's nice 2 hear. k dats all folks. bye

Back

2004-10-01T08:24:00.000+08:00

Woohoo. D last time i blog was a week ago. Sorie bout dat ppl. Been kinda busy wif school lately cos exams r in 3 days time. OH NO!!!! Ive been mugging and mugging every single night till around 2-3am. Im juz so freaking nervous bout exams. Cos i dun wana fail.... Haiz. And i juz wana get it over n done wif. i need a break badly cos im so mentally exhausted from school life. Urgh. wadever. I've no school 2day but later gona go 2 town wif my dear later, after my friday's prayer. Gona watch Dodgeball or perhaps Resident Evil. Dis week was kinda slack cos we came 2 school only 4 revision lectures. N im kinda a little addicted to d arcade eversince dis past few weeks. To think dat I haven step into one b4 since sec 2? Lolx.. Yea. Yea. Went there wif Salim, Victor & Jed yet again on Wednesday. And 2mr, im gona study in skool, perhaps alone. boo hoo! hmm, guess dats all man. I duno wad 2 crap. And I wont b back blogging till after my exams, which is next friday. I hope so :) adios peeps. N i miss u dearie. And sorie cos ive not been giving u my attention lately.

Wheeeeeeeee

2004-09-22T15:15:00.000+08:00

2day was kinda slack. I skipped lecture & went for one tutorial only. Haha. Super slack la me. Finish skool at 11.30am cos I 4got 2day got no more lab sia. Hmm, anyway, I went to eat outside at S-11 wif Jed, Victor and Salim. Den walked walked around TM to buy sum stuffs. N den we took sum neo-prints. Lolx. D pics r below. After dat, i went home wif dear. The End! Haha. I feel so lazy 2 say anitin 2day. Guess dats all. Ciaox.

Left to Right: Jed, Victor, Me
Salim is the terror. Wakakaka.

I'm back

2004-09-18T20:13:00.000+08:00

Alright. I'm back blogging. I haven type a single entry since exactly for 9 days n ppl r complaining y im soooo lazy 2 blog. Hahaha. well, u already noe d reason. Im so lazy. My schedule is kinda packed dis past few days. Trying 2 catch up wif studies cos exams r around d corner & im gona b so screwed if I dun pick up d pace. Had Biochem practical exam a few days ago. Dunoe if my experiment went well. Only God knows.

Anyway, i cant remember wad happened lately. So i shall say wad happened yesterday & 2day. well, yesterday was friday. I felt lyk crap in d morning. felt like vomiting n plan 2 skip skool. but then, had OC quiz d very 1st period so dcided 2 go 4 it. My head was spinning d whole day. bad headache. yea. wadever. tot of studying wif my frens after skool. but i juz wanted 2 go home n rest. n dear was so nice 2 pick me up from skool. so my head felt abit better seeing her. *grinz*

And today, i went 2 skool 2day for dis Adventure Learning Program. It was sort of d orientation days. juz dat dis time around, we alreadi knew our klazmates. Everyone was present 2day. Dat was good to see. Played a couple of interesting games. I can say it was better den d orientation. haha. I tink im gona haf sunburn cos d weather was so bloody hot juz now. Went home wif dear, who happened 2 in tp. School gona end next month. N i tink most of us gona b separated into different classes. Oh, man. Im gona miss my class. AB15 juz rocks man. We're made up of different characters & dats wad makes d class so cool. Oh, i 4got 2 mention i wont b d class rep. next semester. Victor gona haf d honour of being d new rep. Haha. gd luck bro. :) all d best yah? i hope d class dun bully u. Wakakakaka.

Feeling high

2004-09-07T20:07:00.000+08:00

Well, im been quite lazy 2 blog 4 dis quite few days. Just dat I was out of d country laz weekend 2 attend a wedding. So yea. I shall blog bout 2day cos I cant remember wad happened yesterday. Haha. Wad r u crappin bout Farhan. Hmm, watever. Anyway, 2day school was super slack.

Had a 5 hours break from 12-5 pm & we cudnt dcide wad 2 do. Initially, d plan was 2 go haf lunch & den watch a movie wif a few of my classmates. But then d gurls were so indecisive on whether to skip d 5pm lesson. sorry 2 those AB15 gurls whose readin this. :)juz dat, dont waste time tryin 2 dcide on wad 2 do over such minor stuffs ok? So, I went to eat at tampines wif jed, victor and salim. Wanted to go eat at d foodcourt at TM at first, but it was so bloody crowded. So we ended up eating at S-11. On d way there, met dear at one of traffic lights. Whoa. I swear I had dis sixth sense dat she was nearby. And tah-dah, there she appeared. Dats all la.

Ate chicken cutlet rice there. So nice man d food, considerin I was so bloody hungry at dat time. So went back to school after dat. Me and Victor went to cyber centre n played sum crappy online games and we left salim wif shikin alone. hahak. while jed went 2 study wif his gurlfrens. So blah blah blah. it was 6pm. skool ended. went to fetch dear from tuition and we walked walked at TM & CS.

Bought dear a book from Times. duno wads d title but it was about a confession of a shopaholic. Den send her home after dat cos she had 2 rush. Anyway, the after-effects of being high yesterday is stil in me. haha. i wont go into details la. dats my private life & i wun go into details. Guess dats all. Sayonara.

Bored?

2004-09-02T19:20:00.000+08:00

Im at d school comp. lab rite now. And its 7.20pm. Killing time cos I wana go fetch dear from tuition later at 8pm. Hmm, i dun reali haf dat much time 2 blog at home, let alone use d comp. for surfing purposes. So i shall make use of my time in school to do all my stuffs. Well, I juz realised exams is in a month's time. Its make-or-break for me. I dun wan to be retained 4 a year cos dats gona b embarassing. Boo hoo! Hmm, time is limited & precious. I juz got to noe dis! Urgh. Poly life is totally different den secondary skool life man. Its like u haf to be totally independent in wadever u do & if u slack, ur dead. cos d lecturers dun gif 2-fucks about ur results. Its either u do well or u fail. As simple as dat. But luckily, I recently got the motivation 2 settle down & study. Cos I din do realli dat well 4 d previous term test. So i juz wana do well 4 d upcomin exams & den slack all I want during the 2 months holiday after dat. So I guess dats all. Gotta go.

Thanx 4 everyting!

2004-08-29T17:50:00.000+08:00

I shall update my blog cos Dear "forced" me to. Wakakaka. Hmm, juz kiddin. Lolx. Well, I shall say wad happened yesterday 1st. I went to town wif Dear. PS to b more precise. Wanted to watch "13 going on 30" at the 2pm timeslot. But bloody hell, all d tickets for d next 2 screenings were sold out and d next available slot was at 6+pm. No way man. It was so bloody late. N i dun tink dear cud go home dat late. So we end up buyin d tix 4 d show "Face", some Korean show. We had half an hour of free time, so I decided to eat cos Im so hungry. Ate at LJS yet again. Haha. Hmm, den d fish servings was so big compared to other outlets. Dunoe y. And I was so full after dat.

So den watched the movie which I tot was gona b a horror movie. But I was totally wrong. It was rather a mystery-cum-horror show. D show rather interestin. Was rather scary abit here n there. N i managed 2 scare dear a few times. Muahahhaaha. Im so evil. *grinz* I'll give d show 4 out of 5 stars. Cos it should haf been MORE scarier. More fun like dat la. Ahaks. After d show ended, we walked towards Cineleisure cos we cudnt dcide wad 2 do. Hahak. Bought dis pomelo drink at 1 of d basement stall. It was sooo nice, u know. I dunoe y i like sour stuffs. Dear said I might b pregnant. Wakakakaka. After dat, walked 2wards Taka. On d way there, i saw dis TP *bitch* hu happened to be in d same course in me. Shes so slutty man. D way she behaves in d Lecture Theatre is undescribable. Watever man. dot. dot. dot. dot.

So walked here n there & den dear dcided to go home. She wanted to take d Mrt but i suggested we take d bus. So we took dis express bus home. it was service 518 if im not wrong. journey was nearly 1hr++. but did spend quality time wif dear & i feel so enlightened everytime shes around. Cos the chemistry is just there. Simply said. Yea baby. Hahak. :) Reached home around 7.30pm and my family was about to go 2 downtown east. But i was lazy 2 follow. Hahak. I swear I ate alot man yesterday. cos I haven ate dat much since, god knows when. Haha. When they came home around 10pm, they bought BK for me. And I ate a whopper dat i was so full, i cudnt sit still. I bet *someone* out there is jealous readin this. Hahak. Guess dats all.

And 2 d AB15 peeps, i juz wana say i'll stop blamin myself 4 d CCN ting and thanx 4 all ur reassurance. U guys rock man.

Down The Drain

2004-08-28T10:06:00.000+08:00

The CCN Day that took place yesterday was a mess. Everyting didnt go right. And nearly 10 other stalls in d whole campus sold the same concept as ours. So it was rather competitive. But thats not my point. It was rather more of a poor marketing strategy. And we didnt promote our stall 2 others like wad other classes were doin. Everyting was done last minute. I take d blame 4 everytin dat happened cos being d class chairperson, I didnt do my job in allocating each one of them wad to do. And I cant blame anyone of them cos they did their best in tryin 2 sell our products. They shouted at the top of their lungs to attract attention & some even took an initiative to deliver the products to consumers. I really appreciate d efforts dat u ppl put in. And Im sorry when i vented my anger on some of u. Cos I was reali frustrated at dat point of time. Anyway, we didnt break even at the end of d day. Dat was d saddest ting. So we cleared up d place & i borught home d money container since Raine wasnt there.

Just when I thought everytin was over, I realised that there was $10 short when I counted the money at home. I'm not blaming *you* for countin it wrongly. Juz dat when I counted the money over & over again, I stil found our total earnings didnt tally wif wad we had calculated. I dowan to b accused of takin d $10 cos I didnt. And i reali feel so sad looking at how messed up my day had been. When *you* called me at nite & said *you* had counted the money wrongly, I hope it was sincere. Cos i dowan *you* to say dat juz 2 make me feel relieved. Cos i wont if *you* do dat. If *you* had reali counted it correctly, means I must haf misplaced d money or it dropped out while we were clearing up d place. Den I shall top up d missing $10 using my own money cos I dowan 2 b labelled as being irresponsible. Haiz.

Anyway, later 2day, i'm gona meet dear 2 watch d movie "13 going on 30" cos i reali miss her. And I hope 2 release the stress thats been building up in me 4 d past week due to CCN Day, and its sad 2 see all d efforts goin down d drain. I'm really sorry, AB15. I know I was a disappointment.

Tired

2004-08-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

Im so tired this week. I dunno y. Dis CCN Day thingy happening at TP dis Friday is such a waste of time. It keeps bugging me cos my klaz cudnt come up wif a final decision. There was so many ideas brought out. But not all materialised. Initially, we tot of selling satay in skool. Den I juz found out yesterday that no fire were allowed in skool. So we cant freaking barbeque!! Urgh!! Den I had 2 gather d klaz again 2 discuss. Blah. Blah. Blah. So yea. we THOUGHT we finally got it right this time.

Den after skool 2day, I went to buy d stuffs at Sheng Siong at Bedok Reservoir wif Jed, Shikin, Fadilah, Shi Qin, Adonsia & Charlene(did I miss out on someone?) hmmm. dun tink so. haha. N u know wad. We walked from skool all d way there. Wowie. It was around a few kilometres if im not wrong cos it was reali far. But we're so bad u know. The gurls wanted to take d bus there. But me & Jed kept walkin & walkin & left d gurls behind. Haha. Den reach Sheng Siong & went to buy d stuffs. We couldn't find all d stuffs man. Hmm, let me tel u guys wad we're selling la. cos Im sure u people r lost. Actuali, we wanted to sell sliced assorted fruits topped wif chocolate syrup, whipped cream & cherries in a bowl. And also, peppermint syrup wif sprite ice. Dats two different stuffs ok? But we cudnt get d important items. So we decided to change d plan, yet again. Haha. So now, we're gona sell sliced assorted fruits topped wif a scoop of ice cream( yummy?) & chocolate syrup. And as for d drink, we're sellin vanilla ice cream float. Basically, root beer served wif a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I tink u all shud get wad I mean. Not all d items r bought la. Maybe Im gona buy d remaining stuffs 2mr.

Hmm, wad else 2 say ar? Im tired la. If I wasnt, I wud haf blog d whole events dat happened 2day. Cos it was so funny. But den, my eyes so tired. Sorie. Still need 2 kol my dear later. So must save sum energy. Hahak. Dats all. Adios!

Anyway, dis is d location of where my klaz, AB15, wil b setting up our stall.

Event : CCN Day
Venue : Temasek Polytechnic, School of Applied Science
Time : 1-4 pm
Items : Fruit Ice Cream Salad & Vanilla Ice Cream Float
Price : $2 each (worth it u know)

I know sum of u guys from TP(not from my class) actuali visits my blog. Dun tink I dunoe k? Haha. So pls visit my stall ok? And better buy sumtin!! Muahahaha.

You're the ONE & ONLY

2004-08-23T09:37:00.000+08:00

Im now at d computer lab wif my frens. Printing some notes. I shall say wat happened yesterday 1st. It was the darkest day in my life. I was realli depressed from d events that happened in my personal life. I mean my family matters that is. I wont go into details. Juz dat I cried upon knowing d news. Period. But luckily my dear was there 2 colour my life & gave me d strength 2 forget d stuffs dat happened. I slept all afternoon cos I wasnt in d mood 2 do aniting. I wanted 2 study but my mind was sumwhere else. Woke up around 5.30pm. And dear wanted 2 see me 4 a lil' while. So yea. I got dressed, den met her outside White Sands. On d way there, I nearly got knocked down by a car, but luckily nuttin bad happened. I juz stared at d driver & walked off.

Den at the very sight of my dear, I cant help but smile. She looked so sweet & exceptionally beautiful. I dunoe y. hehe. N she bought me a cake from Starbucks. It was nice. cos it was chocolate. :) Thanx dear. U reali made my day!! Den went home & mum told me we goin 2 granma's house. So yeah. I haven see her 4 weeks so I was lookin 4ward 2 meet her. When we were there, we watched this thai horror show. I tink it was the 'Sisters'. Kinda scary. but it made me 4get all d problems im facing.

And today is the 23rd of August. And its d 1st month ive been wif my beloved Dear. And i reali appreciate wad ur doin 4 me, being by my side thru my ups-n-downs.

Baby, ur d one n only.
U put a smile on my face when I frown.
Ur d sunshine when im feelin down.
Gurl all I want is u!!

Vindicated

2004-08-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

I'll leave you guys with another song since I am lazy 2 update..

[Vindicated]
[Dashboard Confessional]

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, and so hypnotizing
I am captivated,
I am...

[Chorus]
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am...

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Like hope
Dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Fall To Pieces

2004-08-18T12:02:00.001+08:00

[Fall To Pieces]

I look away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the star
Back into your arms

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
And I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

I'm in love with you,
Cuz I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

Headache

2004-08-15T14:22:00.000+08:00

Im juz having a terrible headache now. Like out of a sudden. Dunoe y. Juz swallowed 2 panadols. Feel like vomiting now. Ate alot of macaroni this morning. Den ate 3 whole oranges. maybe im gettin an overdosed of vitamin C. hahaha. and im turning mad at the same time. Lol. watever. 2mr school gona start after 1 week of term break. yay. finally. im gettin so restless at home. Miss school alot. Wakakaka. Hmm, actuali i dunoe wad 2 blog now. Oh, yea. d Chelsea-Man. United match is 2day. Chelsea gona win 4 sure ler. by 2 goals at least. but then, i dun care. I support Real Madrid eversince a few years ago? Haha. I tink so. And to tink Michael Owen is joining Madrid is mouthwatering. This is so totally cool. I cant wait for the Spanish Primera Liga 2 start man. I tink dats all i gona say.

Missing Her

2004-08-13T11:59:00.000+08:00

I kinda feeling so emo(or jiwang in malay) 2day. Who cares. Guys can haf their PMS also. Right Haikal? Lolx. 1st thing when i woke up juz now, I wanted 2 look 4 my dear. But blur Farhan 4got dat he didnt live in d same house as his Dear. Wahahaha. *sobs* K. Fine. Actually, I miss Dear so much man. though I was wif her yesterday. Oh, the phrase, "Absence makes the heart fonder" sux man. I dont like 2 feel this way. I want 2 b wif dear right now. but shes in school la. Haiz. Anyway, so sorry dear about wad happened yesterday. I dunoe y I like 2 over-react n then haf stupid thoughts that will only hurt myself. Ok. I shall 4get about it. One more thing dear. When I dont call or sms u 2 ask wad ur doin, it doesnt mean that I dont care about u. I do. Which guy doesnt love his gurl? So dont feel dat way ok?

Anyway, I had a nice dream last night. I dreamt I was already married 2 dear. Everyting was so sweet. If Im not wrong, I was having my honeymoon wif her. Having such a romantic time 2gether doin all d stuffs. Hey, dont think dirty ok? Cos THAT didnt happen. Haha. Anyway, I wonder wad God is trying 2 tel me wif dat dream. If only I knew. If only I can turn it into reality. Haiz. I cant wait 2 meet my dear later. But i need 2 go for friday prayer soon & I've yet 2 bathe. Haha. Guess dats all folks. Sorry if 2day's entry is all about my dear. I reali miss her alot. I do. I do. :)

Oh. And HAPPY 41th BIRTHDAY 2 MY BELOVED MUM..... May God bless u with a healthy & long life always.

Feeling Down

2004-08-12T13:01:00.000+08:00

Hmm, the holiday sux. I wish I was in skool. So that i can thrash people wif my fucked up attitude. Im crapping okay. I was self-studying at home instead but its funny without d presence of ur frens. D people u can crap wif n do fucked-up stuffs 2gether. blah blah blah. U should know wad I mean guys. Lol. This morning, sum idiot keeps callin my home n wanted 2 speak 2 a Zhe Xiang(i anyhow spell la ok? but d pronunciation like dat la). To b precise, he called three times. D 3rd conversation went like this.

Me : Hello
Idiot: Can speak to Zhe Xiang?
Me : Wrong number. U called me twice juz now already.
Idiot: Huh? No Zhe Xiang there?
Me : Yah. Dun haf. Bye.
Idiot: Wait! But he gave me dis no. leh.
Me : Wad number? Dis is 65*****1
Idiot: Ya lah. Can i speak 2 him now? Very urgent.
Me : FUCK la. i live here for so 6 years alreadi. Dis is a malay family ok?
Idiot: Dun like this la.
Me : Like wad? Stop calling here anymore. Bye!

I was reali pissed off man. Bloody moron. Spoil my day onli. Whoever u r, i hope u DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH!!! muahahahahaha. U r so evil Farhan. Who cares. People know me as sumone wif a gung-ho attitude. I'll say n do what i want. *but this doesnt apply 2 my dear k* :) But then, if people r nice 2 me, of course i'll b nice 2 them. I dun like 2 haf enemies. And if u try 2 get on my nerves, i'll make sure i'll repay ur 'kindness'. u know wad I mean? U better.

Anyway, i had 2 cancel my class discussion 2day for CCN Day cos apparently 7 of them couldnt make it. Yea. Its ok. Means we HAVE 2 do it on dis coming Monday cos i got 2 submit d proposal by dat day itself. N im so bloody screwed. Wadever. Actuali, ive got mixed feelings right now. Angry but depressed. bout d angry part, u all know y alreadi. but i shall not say y im depressed. I wana keep it all 2 myself. Juz dat after readin sum stuffs online juz now, it feels like a knife juz pierced through my heart. *its not ur fault* im basically over-reacting. I dun wan the past 2 haunt and hurt me. Anyway, im gona meet dear later at 4.30pm. take care peeps. My eyes r so tired starin at d screen. In fact, im so sleepy. I can fall asleep typing this entry. Hey, it rhymes. Lolx.

30 Facts About Girls

2004-08-10T11:00:00.000+08:00

I got this info on d Net of what gurls r all about... Whether its true or not, thats up 2 u 2 dcide. Haf fun reading guys. Chillz...

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't
crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done
something wrong, it's best to give her some time
to cool down before touching her heart with an
apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the
guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her
to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on
her mind every minute of the day, even though she
flirts with other guys.

5.When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep
into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually
is not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very
often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes
her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend,
go easy on the smiles and stare 'okie?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break
it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you
reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you
still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.
Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of
expressing themselves (which explains why most
girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in any
way.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the
first time, the girl may act uninterested during
the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the
hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately
start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with
her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you
because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call
from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask
her.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great
reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy,
she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a
girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would
first look at the girl next to her crush before
actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her
memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her
heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what
she is feeling and going through

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to
them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to
a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about
brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love
and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

Makes No Difference

2004-08-09T13:07:00.000+08:00

Lyrics to the song on my blog...

Makes No Difference
Sum 41

You're running fast and missing but cannot help convincing.
The reasons you gave me are all wearing thin.
It's not meant to hurt you but let me assure you,
It's not what I said but intentions you've read.

So when you hold onto the past then you
Will break down what little is left.
There is nothing more you can't ignore,
And say it makes no difference to me.
It makes no difference to me.

Now that you're older life's weighing on your shoulders.
You can't seem to keep things so perfectly straight.
With most things so basic you might as well face it.
You can't help but worry it's all just begun

So when you hold onto the past then you,
Will break down what little is left.
There is nothing more you can't ignore,
And say it makes no difference to me.

It makes no difference to me,
It makes no difference to me,
It makes no difference to me,
It makes no difference

So when you hold onto the past then you,
Will break down what little is left.
There is nothing more you can't ignore,
And say it makes no difference to me.

It makes no difference
It makes no difference to me
It makes no difference
It makes no difference to me

FUCK

2004-08-09T10:16:00.000+08:00

THIS POST IS BY NO MEANS RELATED TO THE ALIVE OR DEAD. AND IT IS NOT DIRECTLY NOR INDIRECTLY RELATED TO ANYONE WHO VISITS MY BLOG. DO NOT FEEL OFFENDED BY WHAT I POSTED 2DAY COS ITS PURELY FICTIONAL. WHAT CRAP AM I SAYING MAN? OH, SHUT UP, FARHAN.....

When u wake up in the morning,
Only to be greeted by a sight,
that u wished u didnt see,
Wad do u do?

You fucking hell don't do aniting.
Wads there to be done anyway?
Cos even if u wana do sumtin about it,
U possibly cant.

Get wad I mean?
U dont?
U fucking son-of-a-bitch.
But I dont seem 2 understand myself either. Watever.

Whats wrong wif life nowadays?
Its FUCKED UP.
U dont agree wif me?
Then ur one mother-fucker out there Im gona kill. Period.

And why?
When u seemed 2 start to feel ur on top of this world,
Someting bad happens,
And it makes ur world come crashing down.

Thats for U,
To bloody figure out d answer urself,
Cos I dun even haf d answer 2 this question,
And all i know life can b a mess!

Finally..

2004-08-06T08:35:00.000+08:00

Its like 8.40 am now. Been kinda lazy to post any entry tis past few days, but dear wanted me to update my blog. So here i am doin it. Lol. Basically, i had term test this whole week. So i was reali stressed out with my studies. Actuali, gona sit 4 my last paper at 11am later, which is like in 2hrs time. Haha. And yet ive stil got time to go online right now. Tsktsk. But what da hell. Out of d 6 papers Im taking this semester, I'll probably fail 2. perhaps 3? i dunoe. and d onli subject im confident in doin well is maths. haiz.

Studies aside, Im kinda happy wif my personal life right now. My circle of frenz r a reali crazy bunch 2 hang out wif, heck whether they're a guy, girl, gay or lesbian. Muahaha. And d most important reason y theres a wide smile on ma face is of course my dear gurl. :)

Was wif my dear practically everyday this week. And poor dear fell sick yesterday. So she din attend school. But i did send her 2 her tuition place around 6.30pm later in d evening. While waiting 4 her 2 finish, I sat at some void deck & revise 4 2day's test cos d library was already crowded. Den sent her home after dat. Anyway, i dun tink i can meet my dear 2day. :( cos i tink shes gona study and den jog wif her frens after skool. So i dun wana disturb her. See! Wad an understanding guy she has right? Hahaha. Juz kiddin.

I cant wait for the weekends and d 1 week term break nex week. Finally, im gona haf sum rest. And National Day is coming. Happie 39th birthday Singapore.. Watever. Lolz. And im gona spend d evening dat day wif my baby. :)

Thats all. Im gona go bathe n prepare 2 go 2 skool now. I miss u loads dear....

I'm screwed...

2004-08-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

Oh man. Tomorrow is d beginning of my term test 4 d whole week. N im screwed. Im mugging laz minute. and i wun noe if i can absorb all d important details of all d subjects into my head. And im still doin my CSAS assignment right now which is due 2mr noon. Hmm, ive been slackin dis past few days and i dunoe y. 1st paper is at 11am 2mr. So ive stil got time 2 revise i guess. Haha. I cant even make up my mind wad 2 write right now cos my mind is a blank. Ahh. Dammit. Dats all 4 2nite. All i know is that I miss my baby gurl alot and im gonna study 2nite til I fall asleep. Hahaha. I know I'm lame. Adios..

Addicted

2004-07-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

Have I told you how good it feels to be me,
when I'm in you?
I can only stay clean
when you are around.
Don't let me fall.
If I close my eyes forever,
would it ease the pain?
Could I breathe again?

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

I am wasted away,
I made a million mistakes.
Am I too late?
There is a storm in my head;
it rains on my bed
when you are not here.
I'm not afraid of dying,
but I am afraid of losing you.

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm addicted,
I'm out of control,
but you're the drug
that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar,
but all I really know is
you're the only reason I'm trying.

When you're lying next to me
love is going through to me.
Oh it's beautiful.
Everything is clear to me
'till I hit reality
and I lose it all...
I lose it all...
I lose it all.
I lose it all...
Nah nah nah
nah nah nah....
Nah nah nah nah nah nah.....
nah nah nah nah nah nah....

You're the only reason,
Yeah, you're the only reason I'm trying,
Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying,
Don't want to lose it all,
Don't want to lose it all,
I'm trying, I'm trying..
I'm trying ...
Yeah, you know I'm addicted,
You know I'm addicted,
Yeah, you know I'm addicted....

A Wednesday

2004-07-28T15:36:00.000+08:00

I juz got back home. 1st ting i did was switch on my comp. and i din even change my clothes. Haha. Im so lazy la. The weather is so nice and cooling right now. And I feel like slacking. 2day had onli ONE hour of skool. And it feels damn sickening when u haf 2 wake up early in d morning at 6+ am. And for skool 2 finish at 9am. Anyway, I was supposed 2 meet Nick at d void deck as usual. But I got out of d house late and when i saw he wasnt there, I rushed 2 d interchange la. I tot he went off alreadi sia. Den when i was on d bus 2 skool, he called me, saying he was waitin 4 me at d void deck. I was like, wad the fuck sia. Sorie man. Haha. Den reach skool, had lecture for an hour frm (8-9)am b4 going 2 d library wif Victor and Jay. We played Yahoo! pool again for 2 hours. Hahaha. Den i went home 4 awhile 2 do sum stuffs.

Suppose 2 meet my Dear at around 1.15pm. But 2 my horror, I manage 2 fall asleep on my bed and i woke up close to around 1pm. Hehe. So i rushed 2 get dressed and went down 2 d bus stop, boarded the bus and met Dear at 1.30pm. I was late yet again. Ish. Ish. Sorie gurl. She wanted 2 eat. But she took soooo long 2 dcide where 2 go. Lol. :p So she said she wana eat at Magic Wok, which is at White Sands. Den on d way there in d bus, Azfar boarded d same bus as us. By the way, Azfar is my Dear's schoolmate but i used 2 know him also a few years ago la. And its a wonder he stils remember me. Haha.

So at Magic Wok, Dear ordered Seafood Kway Teow n i ordered Beef Kway Teow. So d waitress took our order and when asked wad drinks we wanted, i said, "1 bandung and 1 iced lemon tea." 5 minutes later, my lemon tea was served, along wif our food. But no bandung! Dear was like, "Wait awhile la. Maybe they still preparing it." Hmm, ok2. Seconds later, 1 guy gave us d receipt. But no bandung was included in it!! Wah liao. The waitress who took our order deaf izit? Haizzz. Ahhh. Never mind ah. 4get it. In the end, I shared my drink wif Dear cos we didnt want 2 make a fuss bout it. So after eating, I sent her home. And here i am la, sitting right in front of my comp. screen and slacking when Im well aware Term Test is next week. N i haven even started revising. haha. Adios! I'LL BE BACK!! Lol.

And I miss my Dear Malihha so much...

Tired of this life...

2004-07-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

As usual, i hate Mondays. Bcos it simply sucks. Cos Saturdays and Sundays passes by so damn fast, and b4 u know it, the next day is skool. Haiz. Basically, my timetable on Monday is crap la. Lecture at (8-9)am. Den 3 hrs of free time. During that period juz now, I went to the library and played Yahoo! pool with Victor and Jay for nearly an hour. haha. Cos its so bloody early in the morning and i wasnt in d mood 2 revise my work.

Had lunch at Design skool, wif Victor, Salim, Lisa and Gen. Victor damn joker sia. He was playing dis sexual audio file on his phone of a gurl having an orgasm. Hahaha. But dats not d most funny part la. Cos Salim den said, "Ey, d voice sounded like Gen rite?" Den all d guys laughed like hell sia. Wakakakaka. She juz sat there, shocked. I tink she got pissed off man. Cos she juz walked off wif Lisa. Alamak Salim. I got no comments 4 u. Lol. But wad the heck. I know Gen can take dat kind of jokes. So i tink her anger is juz short-term.

Went 4 lab afterwards. But i partnered Jed cos his partner was absent and i left my usual lab partner alone wif Gen and Salim. Haha. Finished skool at 5.30pm. My Dear wanted 2 wait 4 me after skool. But i told her 2 go home str8 cos she finished skool early. Summore, she was tired and had a headache. So i went home alone. Had dinner wif my parents. And I miss my Malihha alot. =) Dats all!

The Weekend..

2004-07-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

Finally, i felt lyk updating my blog. Haha. Cos i wasnt in d mood 2 do so. But then, NOW it feels as though im breathing new life again dis past few days. My broken heart was cured by *her*. N im grateful 4 dat. Hmm, where shall i start? K lah. Life has been better i guess. Cos i was having a terrible week in skool. But wad a way 2 end skool dis week. I got full marks for my maths quiz. Woo hoo! And its surely inspiring 4 me cos my term test is in 8 days time. N im so dead! Cos ive yet 2 start revising. Den yesterday morning, i woke up early, had breakfast, den went 2 fetch *her* from skool. After minutes of deciding where 2 go, we agreed 2 go 2 town. Cos i remembered my frens' band would b performing at Cineleisure for sum fund-raising event at around 2pm. Had lunch at LJS b4 walking towards Heeren juz 2 kill time. Met my old SJI frens, Terence, Nicholas, Mark, Haikal, Imran, Aaron, Siong Guan and d list goes on. Sorie if i din include ur name ah. Haha. Den had a conversation wif 2 of them. And it goes lyk dis: (but i shall translate it 2 english.. haha)

Frenz: Ur gurl pretty ah. Get from where?
Me: Get from where? Wad the fuck man? U tink i bought her from a shop izit?
Frenz: Hahaha. Relax ah. Juz jokin. Ok2. So how u know her?
Me: Shes my primary skool fren la. Den suddenly, ta-da, bcum stead.
Frenz: Hmm, no comments

Basically, it was about my gurl la. But luckily, she din reali hear d conversation. haha. Ok. After dat, watched my frenz performed. His band was ok la. Better den d rest of the bands that were involved. We stood so long watching d performances u know. Den took d MRT back 2 pasir ris b4 sending *her* home. Guess datz all. I suppose u guys shud noe hu *she* refers to. If not, too bad! Dun bother asking me. Haha.

Life in skool juz got worse!!!

2004-07-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

Skool sucks! Thats all i can say. 2day was another bad day 4 me yet again. Basically, dis week suck. Morning it rained. I was so bloody damn cold. Went to skool wif Nick and Eric cos i bumped into them at d bus stop. Den reach skool, had PIPC lecture at 8am. Blah blah blah. Den had Biochem lab later on. Dis is where i started to dread my day. Me, Salim and Eric were in d same group 4 d lab session. Everyting went fine initially. We did all d required task dilligently. Den when we were supposed 2 test d solutions in d test-tubes using some machine( i 4got wad they r called), we totally screwed up. Its hard 4 me 2 explain 2 u all wad actuali happened. Juz haf 2 noe my experiment FAILED! haha. 1st time in my life that i botched a science experiment. k. nvm. So wad do I do? Copy from another group la. Den wad u expect me 2 do sia? Den had HAP tutorial. I was so blur 2 wad was being taught in klaz dat I resorted 2 stoning! lol. Skool finished at 3pm. Had 2 wait 4 half an hour 4 d rest 2 complete d Biochem lab assignment cos i haf 2 collect them and hand them in. SHE came to the TP bus stop to meet me sia. I feel so bad for her ah. but she insisted on goin there. Ok la. the gurl im referring to is Malihha. Period. Den walk walk here n there b4 sending her home. 2mr lecture day. WAHAHAHA. stupid man. Im gona b damn bored. Adios!

20 July 2004, 4:27pm

2004-07-20T16:28:00.000+08:00

Now in skool, at d computer lab wif d guys. On my left, theres Victor and Jay. On my right, Salim and Jed. I noe im lame! Gonna print out lots and lots of stupid biochem notes. I hate biochem alot!! D lecturer cant even teach properly. Keep blowing into d bloody microphone. And i noe nuts about d subject. Juz had lunch a few hours ago at LJS at TM wif my klaz. Den went to play pool. Lost one of d ball n had 2 pay $20 for it. Toot man. Duno huz fault la. Dun wana pinpoint any fingers on any1 either. Luckily Eric paid 4 us 1st. Now me n Gen owe him $9+ each. Gona haf APEL lesson after this at 5. Den blah blah blah. Gona meet Malihha again after skool 2day. Hmm, i duno wad elz 2 write. Waitin 4 d gurls 2 finish printing d notes. So long sia. Waited here 4 nearly half an hour alreadi. Ok. Wil b back!

Im finally 17!

2004-07-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

I turned 17 yesterday. woo hoo! Cant wait 2 turn 18. haha. And I shaved my head 2 days ago. Long story. Dun wana tel u all wad happened. i looked like a skinhead, when im not 1. Anyway, i wore a red snowcap 2 skool yesterday. Ppl gave me stares. Who cares? I'll wear wadever I want. Oh, and my class bought me 2 shirts. More of its d gurls (Don, Raine, Shi Qin) who chose them. Thanx alot! Reali appreciate it. Din reali expect 2 get anitin cos i wasnt in da mood 2 celebrate.
Im now currently downloading alot and alot of songs. And currently giving soccer betting tips 2 jed. most of d time, my predictions wud b accurate. wahahaha. Maybe i can b a tipster 1 day. Lol.
Back 2 skool stuffz. In 2 weeks time, there is d term test week. Dammit. Time flies so fast dat i cant keep up wif the hectic pace of skool. Boo hoo! Wadever! ive got alot of homework and assignment 2 complete. And im soooo stressed out. Period!

Finally...

2004-07-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

Yay. Finally, my blog was fixed. I couldnt seem 2 edit my blog for a week cause apparently there was some technical problem wif my blog dashboard. So cudnt sign in. Yea. Watever. Anyway, i didnt go 2 skool 2day cos i had 2 go 4 a medical check-up in d morning. I thought i wanted 2 skip d lecture only, which was from (8-9)am. cos d next tutorial class was at 1pm. so stil had time 2 reach skool at noon. but wad da hell.. I totally 4got d lecturer had brought 4ward d tutorial 2 an earlier time of (9-11)am, which was right after d lecture!! I only realised when Gen sms-ed me at 9.10am and asked me 2 hurry up 4 d lesson. So i was like, wad d hell? wasnt tutorial at 1pm? den she told me lessons brought 4ward 2 an earlier time mah. my eyes nearly wanted 2 pop out. i din apply 4 advanced leave. and im lyk totally screwed. i hope d lecturer will accept my excuse of my check-up or else i'll b issued a warning letter! Dammit. Screw it. Im like startin 2 lose my memories because im so bloody stressed wif studies and d events dat happened in skool. 2mr wil b like lectures and lectures and lectures. Haiz. Watch this space for updated news in d next few days. If u dun, den i might probably b lying 6 feet under sumwhere. LOL!

My Paper Heart

2004-07-04T16:32:00.000+08:00

[My Paper Heart]
[All-American Rejects]

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can

Tears fall, down your face
The taste, is something new
Something that I know
Moving on is, easiest when I am around you.

So bottle up old love,
And throw it out to sea,
Watch it away as you cry
Now a year has past
The seasons go

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can

Waiting, day to day it goes through
My lips, are sealed for her
My tongue is,
Tied to, a dream of being with you
To settle for less, is not what I prefer

Summer time, the nights are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into
the arms of a friend
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, for I am gone
And spring blossoms you to me

Its July.

2004-07-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

2day is 1st july? damn. how time flies. Finally, i haf d time 2 update my blog. ok. 2day, skool was hectic. I couldnt understand most of d tings being said during the lectures. maybe i was slacking. hey, no. i wasnt! i tried 2 absorb everyting but juz cudnt man. Im a slow learner i guess. I played pool again dis week. Very free huh? haha. dunoe y. oh, i went out wif hazwani yesterday. shes my primary skool fren la. Had lunch wif her at Macdonalds. At first we went to BK. but apparently she cudnt dcide wad to eat. haha. so we walked around TM 1st den settled down at Macs. Haven seen her in ages. So abit weird and uncomfortable meeting her, let alone being wif her. K. Den 2day, lectures and more lectures. I gave up after d 1st lecture man. den went to listen to my iPod (which is an mp3 player if u ppl dunoe. haha) while d lecture was being conducted. haha. skill rite? stupid sia. y muz d whole day of thursday b lectures. i was bored 2 death, and so bloody cold inside the LT. 2mr is friday. got 3 lectures and 2 tutorials. n theres friday prayer. Saturday muz cum down to skool 4 sum NE thingy. den gona go study wif frens, i tink. K la. Im tired. Ta-da. Thats all.

Sianz

2004-06-25T22:09:00.000+08:00

Hmm, so 2day's friday. Yea. Finally its d weekend. Juz completed my 1st week of skool. Quite tiring(and boring 2 a certain extent) considering there are so many lectures. Thursdays are lecture days. Had 7 hrs of lectures yesterday. Was practically falling asleep. But luckily i was sitting bside Adonsia. So at least she was of company la. Cant remember talked about wad oso. Of course it wasn't 7 hrs straight la. If it was, i tink every1 would b dead asleep halfway through. Ok. Anyway, 2day was reali a waste of time in skool cos there was only 1 hr of lecture. stupid sia. Came at 8am. Den can go home at 9am alreadi. Had breakfast at Design skool. The food was nice la, compared 2 sum other skools. haha. Anyway, den went 2 play pool again at Pavilion. Raine 2day got bad mood sia. So thats y we isolate her. haha. Oh yah. U guyz wana noe sumting? When i was playing pool wif Gen, den i did a jump ball la. Din expect d ball 2 fly so far and hit Gen's stomach. Sorry gurl. keke. Seriously, i tink it took d breath out of her lookin at the way she reacted. :) den, we stopped playin at 1pm. I went for friday prayers after dat. Went home, bathed and went 2 sleep. Anyway, got 2 finish up my skool assignments by d weekends. Haiz.

1st day in skool!

2004-06-21T16:41:00.000+08:00

So 2day i started skool. Had a hard time waking up at 6am. Den went to meet my classmates at the 'mushroom' at 7.45am. Only 20 ppl in my klaz turn up 4 skool 2day. 2 were missing. Anyway, i dun even noe hu they r cos they din even turn up 4 orientation. Anyway, had lecture at 8. it was on Human Anatomy and Physiology. yupz. quite interestin. d lecturer wasnt exactly present in d LT cos d lecture was broadcast via video conferencing. so dun even noe how he looked like ar. den b4 i knew it, it was over. den had computer orientation. blah blah blah. den asked my treasurer to collect money 4 klaz fund. after dat, went to bought lab coat and had lunch wif victor, salim, jin jiat and zhong hao. Skool's supposed 2 end at 3pm 2day. but apparently, there wasnt any lab lessons. but b4 we left d skool at 12pm, had 2 collect alot of notes from d ultra supply room. i den went to play pool wif my klaz at tampines. i haven reali played pool 4 d laz 6 months. so abit awkward holdin d cue stick ah. oh, guess wad? i did alot of jump shots by accident. haha. so paiseh sia. den on one ocassion, d ball hit jin jiat's groin. ahakz. sorry man. raine n gen were quite pro for gurls. ;) anyway, i wana read up my notes alreadi. datz all 4 2day!

AB15 rocks!!!!

2004-06-17T21:03:00.000+08:00

Ok. So i had mixed feelings bout d laz day of orientation 2day. Firstly, happy dat it was over. But on d other hand, kinda sad dat everytin had 2 end. I mean our class had a great bond wif our Orientation Leaders(OLs) and also among ourselves in my klaz AB15. AB15 rocks man!! The people r sooo energetic and sporting and i guess most of us got 2 noe each other better after 2dae. Had a hella gd tym cheering out loud. until i got no voice. Thats y we won the bez klaz in LT8 rite juz now rite? bcuz our attitude were juz soo gd. haha. yea. Had a water fight durin our games. Got wet by the plastic water bombs. But reali fun. Den i threw water at Eric, Genevie, Shikin and Fadilah. 2 makes matter worse, Jed, Salim & Eric poured alot n alot of water frm their water bottles on me as revenge. So got reali drenched all over. bloddy hell. =( So, wil b startin skool dis comin monday. 1st lesson is at 8am. lesson? ey, wait. its a lecture. darn. wad a way 2 start d monday blues. wil keep dis page updated. outz

Woohooo

2004-06-16T22:31:00.001+08:00

Hello people. Juz had my orientation 2dae. It was great la. Finally got 2 know wad klaz im in n d classmates i'll have. For starters, im in the applied science class, AB15. D people there r totally cool n easy-goin. Theres lyk 22 ppl in my klaz consistin of 8 guys and 14 gurls. woohoo. cool huh. Ok. My primary skool fren, Shikin, is in the same klaz as me. Nice. Den theres other great frens in Jed(is dat how i spell his name?), Salim, Charlene( Shes lyk always standing bhind me durin icebreakers 2 shade herself frm the sun). Well, im the class rep. hmm, duno y. but i'll try 2 do a gd job. And Salim's d assistant class rep. Alrite. Cant wait 4 another orientation day 2mr. Hope d speeches wun b as boring as 2day. (its damn long-winded i tell you). yea. dats all i haf 2 say. Ciaoz.

Bored..

2004-06-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

Blah. Its 10.15pm rite now. So tired. So sleepy. My head's spinning. Can't wait 4 my school orientation this Wednesday. Everyting's a blur. Cant explain y. Im watching TV and writing this post right now. Damn. England lost 2-1 to France. Stupid Crap. Dun wana talk bout soccer. Heartbreaking stuffs. Anyway, like i was saying, everytings so f***ed up 2day. I cant do things straight. Had a bad headache this afternoon. Swallowed 2 tablets den went to sleep til 6pm. Woke up, had a shower, den had dinner wif family. Anyway, gona stay up late again 2nite. I hope. Blah. This post aint worth reading. Pure crap.

Sunday Afternoon

2004-06-13T14:11:00.000+08:00

So here i am on a Sunday afternoon writing this. Juz woke up from sleep 2 hrs ago. Still kinda tired. Caught both the Euro matches 'live' this morning and was suprised by the results. Darn! Who wud expect the host nation to succumb to defeat in the hands of a minnow country man.. The Portuguese might haf lost 2-1 to Greece. but they had to blame themselves. They had chances to convert but failed. And Greece, they took their chances when it mattered. Watever. But lucky spaniards. It was a hard-fought 1-0 win against the Russians. See? Am i right? I might b wrong wif my predictions. But the giants will falter in this tournament. Lyk wad happen to Portugal. And my verdict for tonight matches? France 0 England 1, Croatia 1 Switzerland 1. Hanz signing out.

Euro Fever..

2004-06-12T03:55:00.000+08:00

Finally its the 12th of June. woohooooo. Euro Fever has hit town. Can't wait 2 watch the Portugal-Greece and Spain-Russia matches later 2nite. Back in 2002 World Cup, i backed Brazil to win it and damn rite did they lift the trophy. This time around, Im rootin 4 England. Haha. Yeah. U might tink im stooopid enuff to support the English huh? But i dun care if the French, Italians or even the Portuguese are among the favourites.. Trust me. They'll crumble!!! I hope la. Haha. Ok2. im realli tired and sleepy now. hmm, my predictions? Portugal 2 Greece 1. Spain 2 Russia 0. Adios. Will b back.